I`d prefer to see this as a loooong break, a very long break. Of course I still have feelings for him, but I just can`t cope with everything that`s going on in my life at the moment; I realize that probably sounds pathetic to some people... But here`s what`s going on.
We`re both going to the same University in September, I filled out all of my forms and student finance forms; and then David was getting frustrated and I had to fill in all of his forms, and his student accommodation forms and make him ring the university when there was a mistake, everything that he`s done has had to be heavily motivated by me. I feel like I`ve been keeping him afloat throughout the relationship.
It`s the same with the job situation, I`ve been trying to help him get a good part time job; but he hasn`t been trying himself, I`ve been sending him job links and I`ve been pointing out different places in town that might have some going. But he hasn`t bothered to look for himself, and this is the thing; Do I want to be with someone who hasn`t even got the motivation to go out and search for a job? he seriously needs one before he begins University in September, he won`t even be able to afford to eat if he doesn`t find a job!! That`s how serious this is at the moment! We`ve been broken up for almost three weeks, and he still isn`t looking for a job!
I`m seriously hoping that going on this relationship break with David will help him become independent enough to get off of his feet and get out there! Of course I still have feelings for him, it`s not like I can click my fingers and they just go away, I just want to be in a happy relationship where we can both be independent in our own ways and we can both have stable jobs whilst we`re at University. To be honest, I`ve been unhappy for a while now since we don`t go out together and have date nights, we never do anything exciting together and we don`t do anything spontaneous anymore... Mainly just stay at home and play video games. Over summer I want to go out and have fun, live a little bit before I head off to University, and hopefully I`ll be going out with work friends and having nights out with my friends for once! Since me and David got together, I put off seeing all of my friends which made me feel terrible, I kind of just dropped everyone since I was in this new and exciting relationship with David.
I still love him, of course I do; But I`m hoping that us breaking up is going to help him realize that he needs to be independent, he needs a job and he needs to learn how to stand on his own two feet when he begins University, I`m not always going to be there to hold his hand and wipe his bum!
I`m still going to support him since he has a terrible relationship with his mother, and him moving into University accomidation is him actually trying to get away from his mum and the way that she lives. It`s actually very complicated, but I`ve helped him through it all; which has put a lot of pressure on me and on our relationship.
In return for trying to stabilize David, it`s reverted me back to being depressed... I`m not blaming it all on him, but I`ve got my own problems to be dealing with and all of the pressure that`s been put on me has bought me down. I`ve only been on the anti-depressants for a month or so but it`s helping me lift my spirits.
We`ll be fine, It`ll just take some time!
My boss at Bramble Lodge might be needing my help with a small wall project, she just needs to decide as to where she wants it going in the home and then she`s going to be asking for help; apparently anyways, my older sister told me that she wants to see me soon to discuss the project, but I saw her the other day and she didn`t say anything about it. I hope she does want my help with it, it`ll be seriously cool to be involved with a project like this, and it`ll look brilliant in my portfolio!
Also, since I`ve gained two new sewing machines, there should hopefully be quite a bit of new textile bits being uploaded onto the Art blog; I hope so anyway. I`ve been hunting around a bit for brand new knitting needles and fabric, I luckily found a cute little shop in Ilkeston that sells brilliant fabric at a seriously good price! I bought half a metre of the cutest fabric for just £2.65!
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